Quibble, 81. Qahlif (ii)
Lurah's attempt to kill herself brings a surprising side of Luht to light.
81. Qahlif (ii) @Lurah
I woke to darkness, but only the darkness of night. A fire crackled nearby. By its glow, I looked up into the face of Luht. He sat leaning against the flank of his camel. My head rested in his lap.
“I am sorry,” he said.
“What?” I whispered.
“I am so sorry, Lurah. I was selfish. I thought only of my pain, my oath. I did not try to imagine your pain, your loss. I did not journey with you in im, as I ought to have. I let you go into Ayn-qesh alone. I could have been kind, and I was not.”
He was crying.
“Luht,” I managed, but then I could say no more. I curled on my side, away from the fire, and retched, though nothing came up. Luht urged water on me, made me spit it out. The hem of his robes served to wipe my mouth.
“Now drink,” he said, again bringing the waterskin to my lips. “You are starved more than dehydrated, I think. Lie still. Do not speak for now. I need you to drink. Then you must eat and drink again. And then we can talk in im.”
Now we sat across the fire from each other, reclined against the rumps of camels, talking. At first, we gave im, taking turns as we talked. But then, seeing it pained me to extend my left hand towards him, Luht insisted we forgo im.
“Are you sure,” I said, looking at a wrist wrapped in a makeshift bandage, “the stitches will not loosen?”
“If you do not bother them,” Luht said. “Trust me. It is my work.”
“Healing? Ri is not in your name. As sah-nahli-qah, I knew all the ri and sah-ri. I would have known you.”
“I was not yet sah-ri, but I was learning to be one.”
“Healers are needed now in Say-qahlif,” I observed. “Are you sure, sah, you did not abandon your post? Only the Qahlif-nah could give you leave of it, and she would ask your intent. If you told her in im—”
“She gave me leave. She said, if I sought revenge upon you as I swore, I would trade the Qahlif for your qah and become uhn-say. Now I am Uhn-say-luht. No, do not say you are sorry, Lurah. It is my fault. And it was wrong of me never to tell you. Who was I to ask for im-hel-qah when I could not give you the simplest im? Honesty?”
“Parting, the nah called me her daughter,” I said. “I believed she still loved me.”
“She may,” Luht replied, looking uneasy. “I gave her no real choice in this, if that is a comfort to you.”
“It is. But now I do not understand you at all, Luht. You sought im-hel-qah from me. You followed me all this way to get it, and then you did not kill me. Now, you have saved me from killing myself and I learn you are a healer, not a brawler as I took you to be. It is as if you are two people. The man talking to me is kind, sensitive. He shows im. Where is the Luht who scowled at me and called me a Halim bitch?”
