Quibble, 78. Qahlif (i)
As Lurah leaves the Qahlif in disgrace, she meets Luht for the first time.
78. Qahlif (i) @Lurah
When the Qahlif made me uhn-say, unwelcome among all the Far, Nufra-qahlif-nah-qehl gave me three gifts – a camel, a sword, a warning. I knew the camel already, for he was the nah’s best, a hardy, intuitive creature. I knew the sword, too. I won it on the battlefield from Nufra-aht-sah-ilay. Since it was a sword of the Nufra, I gave it to my nah after the battle at the pyramids. Only her warning – “Remember you are water, only remember this, and find the sea” – meant nothing to me.
I will never find the sea, I thought as I rode Qeht-qahlif north with my hand resting on the hilt of Ilay’s sword, and indeed the faces of the Far I passed on that road seemed to confirm this truth. I knew some of them, but none greeted me. They glanced my way, then looked elsewhere, sideways into the faces of others or down at their feet or off into the distance. The news of my disgrace had gone forth among the Far before me, and all the Far now scorned me so much that not one of them would even speak to me.
Not one, that is, but a certain sah I did not know. He sat on his own camel not far beyond the gates of Say-qahlif, waiting for me. As I passed him, I noted the scowl set on his face, unchanging as if hewed from stone.
“Worthless derelict!” he accused me.
I ignored him and rode on.
“Uhn-say-lurah, stop!” he bellowed.
When still I did not stop, he followed me. As our camels bore us away from Say-qahlif, he shouted a litany of worsening abuse at me: “Traitor! Faithless, foul scum!”
And many more such epithets. In agreement with him, I only rode on, reacting to nothing he said. Everyone we passed on the road ignored our parade. Soon, though, the sah was barking threats: “Get off your camel! Face me, you Halim bitch! Get off or I will kill you where you ride!” Then I could ignore him no longer.
I halted my camel, barracked him, and dismounted. The sah did likewise. Once we were facing each other, I said, “What do you want?”
With a smirk, he drew his sword and said, “Im-hel-qah.”
“You look for im-hel-qah in the wrong place,” I told him. “Neither im nor hel are satisfied. I am uhn-say. We are not equals, and I have no honor.”
“You still have qah,” he answered, “and now I will have it!”
I bethought a moment what to do. Perhaps this wrathful sah was another gift, the Far-nah’s gift to me. All I wanted now was to die. He offered me an easy way to die. All I would have to do was make a show of fighting him without really trying. Then both of us would have our hearts’ desires, mine to die, his to kill me. Yet something in my heart forbade me taking this journey with him. Maybe it was pride. I was humiliated enough already without letting him kill me while I barely raised my sword in defense of myself. Or maybe it was guilt at the thought of Nufra-qahlif-nah-qehl receiving news I had died in a pathetic squabble with an angry man just outside her city. Even now, Numberless, I am unsure why I finally did what I did.
The smirk on the sah’s face turned to a grin as I reached for Ilay’s sword, but the grin faded as, instead of drawing it, I unchained its scabbard from my belt and laid it on the ground. I turned away and remounted Qeht-qahlif.
“Wait!” cried the sah in surprise. “Where are you going?”
“Ayn-qesh,” I called over my shoulder.
“Liar!”
“What is your name, sah?”
“Jeh-qahlif-luht, Jeh-qahlif-sah-luht.”
Understanding dawned. A small family, the Jeh are famous with all the Far for their quick, volcanic tempers. Now that I knew Luht’s grievance, I also knew it was not one he could set aside or resolve with anything less than my qah. In his mind, not only his own hel but his family’s hel was at stake. Only blood could restore it.
“Jeh-qahlif-sah-luht, perhaps it means naught to you, but I am truly sorry,” I said as I turned Qeht-qahlif to face him again. “I knew Jeh-qahlif-sah-lin. He was a good sah, trustworthy, honorable, the first to arrive for his duties and the last to leave. I have lost my family to the Djer, just as you have lost your brother—”
“Do not think to make us one in loss!” Luht interrupted, incensed.
“If you believe my qah atones for his, then kill me,” I said. “You will suffer no loss in hel, for I am uhn-say and the law does not protect me. But is there no other place, sah, that you ought to be right now?”
“I am relieved of my duties,” Luht said, a bit haughtily.
“Then do as you will.”
Swatting Qeht-qahlif’s flanks with my crop, I turned him and rode away.
Though long, the road was safe, my going uneventful. People and their abodes grew ever sparser as I traveled first north, then northwest to strike out for the vast sea of sand which is the largest part of Ayn-qesh. Always, Luht trailed me, riding in sight but out of earshot. When I camped, he camped, never closer, never farther away. Since he seemed now uncertain in his aims, at first I thought he might give up, go home, and return to the duties he was surely neglecting. But he never did. As the vestiges of life numbered fewer and the desert encircled us, I grew used to Luht’s presence and came to think of him as a shadow, following yet never overtaking me. Occasionally, I would turn Qeht-qahlif and gaze back at him. Each time, Luht stopped and returned my gaze. We never exchanged a word.
Perhaps he was not a man bent on revenge but rather uhn-qah, the specter of my guilt. So it seemed to me, more and more, as on my way I ate and drank less and less. Such a haunting as this seemed only right, a fitting punishment for me. What else did Uhn-say-lurah deserve – Lurah who, knowing better, let husband and children fall prey to Djer? What else did she deserve, now, but slowly to starve to death, shadowed into the womb of sandstorms by a ghost who carried two swords?
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rem
One is welcome to comment.
rem
I’m trying something new: significantly shorter chapters. I had planned to deliver all of this as a single chapter, “Qesh,” but its structure was already unwieldly in previous drafts and it’s only grown harder to manage as I try to weave together the backstories of Lurah and Luht. For a couple of days, things got so overwhelming that I only wrote a handful of sentences. Of course, I can’t maintain a publication schedule at that rate! So I’m breaking the material up, working on it piecemeal, and publishing it as short, interspersed installments, now titled “Qahlif” and “Qesh.” Each installment will come out as soon as it’s ready. Chapters titled “Qahlif” will be free for everyone to read. jl